Author Interview: Dr. Paul White

Dr. Paul White is a psychologist, author, speaker, and consultant who specializes in workplace relationships. He joined The Matt Friedeman Show to discuss his latest book, The Five Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. Here are the "CliffsNotes" of his interview.

Does this book have any connection to The Five Love Languages?

It does. Dr. Chapman and I wrote this book together. We've been working for the past year to work the love languages around the workplace. 

We wanted to provide practical resources to help managers and coworkers relate to one another better.

How can we show appreciation in the workplace?

There's a big issue going on right now in that over 65% of people say they haven't heard any appreciation in the last six months, whereas managers say they're making efforts to affirm them. The messages that are being sent aren't getting there.

Different elements have to be there in order for people to feel appreciated. The five love languages in the workplace have the same names; Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

We've developed an inventory that goes along with the book, so people can find out what their languages are. We then get that to their supervisor so they can take that information and use it to build up the employees.

Could it be adapted for use in the church?

Absolutely. We wrote it with that in mind. We wrote a chapter on encouraging volunteers. We want to apply this to churches, to ministries, non profit organizations, to schools. We know that we can encourage and show appreciation in ways that make them feel valued.

One of the things we've done is work this in a way that doesn't cost a lot of money. What matters are just small things that let them know you care about them. If they're sports fans, get them an SEC magazine. Buy them a cup of Starbucks.

Our inventory helps specify what each person needs, so you can hit the mark and help them feel appreciated.

Does this increase job satisfaction?

Absolutely. We increase customer satisfaction. We decrease staff conflict. Employees report that they enjoy coming to work more.

To learn more about Dr. Paul White and his work, you can visit his website.

Author interview: John Townsend, Beyond Boundaries

Dr. John Townsend, Clinical Director for the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), joined The Matt Friedeman Show live from the AACC World Conference in Nashville, TN. Below are the "CliffsNotes" of his interview about his new book Beyond Boundaries.

What is Beyond Boundaries?

A long time ago Henry Cloud and I wrote a book about the fact that sometimes you have to say no and guard your heart.

You have to do what God does, which is speak the truth in love.

The thing I'd notice, though, was that people would be able to say no, but there was a 'what now' going on. They had confusion about how to trust again in a relationship. That's what Beyond Boundaries is about.

What relationships are you talking about?

Every relationship that someone could have a difficulty in. We all encounter these "speed bumps" in relationships when someone is being hard to deal with. This book is about reconnecting, and learning to trust again.

The hardest part is to take the first risk. God is a risk-taker. He always takes the first step. He's a great model, because even when it hurts, he reaches out.

There's no way to have a better relationship unless one person is taking the risk. That's what the book is about.

What is a hurt that comes out a lot in your counseling?

There's the hurt of putting out a need and being pulled away from. If that happens in an important relationship, it is really devastating.

Then there's control. When someone says "If you love me you'll do this."

The third is judgment and condemnation. When someone is condemning or shaming someone, the other person is on eggshells all the time.

Those are the three main ones.

Is it okay to risk our health on unhealthy relationships?

Jesus said to be innocent as doves and wise as serpents.

We're supposed to be mature, but we'll always be around people with toxicity.

But you must always be guarding your heart.

Is there an element of evangelism?

There's lots of Christians that aren't healthy either. I'd say it's a both/and. There is an evangelistic element to it, but we have to help ourselves as well.

Jesus came to seek and save the lost. The best relationship we can have is to be as loving and as redemptive as we can. We are supposed to be the salt and light.

You can learn more about Dr. Townsend and his ministry here.

Author Interview: Kara Powell, Sticky Faith

Kara Powell is the Executive Director of the Fuller Youth Institute and a faculty member at Fuller Theological Seminary. She speaks regularly at youth ministry conferences and has authored a number of books,. She joined The Matt Friedeman Show to discuss her latest work, Sticky Faith. Below are the "CliffsNotes" of her interview.

One of the first things you say is that parents need to talk with their kids about their own faith.

According to some really good research , 40 to 50 percent of kids who graduate from good homes, good churches, and good youth groups leave the faith.

 What many of us tend to do is ask our kids questions about their faith. Depending on your kid's mood and personality, you might get an answer, and you might just get an eye-roll.

We need to keep asking those questions, but we also need to share about our own faith journeys, what God is doing in our lives.

Another thing you say is that some students believe in a "works" faith.

This is another really interesting finding. We asked these college juniors, who we studied over three years, what it meant to be a Christian.1/3 of these students didn't mention Jesus in their response. They listed behaviors, good behaviors, that they think a Christian should live up to. But when they fail to live up to those behaviors, they lose their faith

If you look at Paul's epistles, what's interesting is that the commands that God wants us to live out are generally at the end of Paul's epistles, after he has laid a solid theological basis of God's love. If we don't frame God's commands in His love, we end up with a "gospel of sin management."

Another thing we have to talk about with our teenagers is that Jesus is bigger than any mistake. What we would love to see is for high school and college students to know that when they mess up, the first place to turn is God, and the second place to turn is the Church.

Author: Good News for Anxious Christians: 10 Practical Things You Don't Have to Do

What DO you have to do?

Be saved by Christ dying for you and for your justification.

Notice who has to do something - Christ has to do something.

That's precisely what it means to be saved by Christ and not by works.

Good works?

You don't have to do good works to be saved.

Once you are saved in Christ you of course will do good works. You have nothing else to do.

What if a Christian isn't doing good works?

It leads us to believe that judgment lies in the hands of God.

If you think you want to judge someone being a Christians, look at the log in your own eye.

Why you don't have to hear God's voice

The way I parse this out is God's word can be in our heart when we learn God's word by heart.

You don't have to find God in the thoughts and feelings in your heart, you can find him in Holy Scripture.

Holy Spirit

Everyone has thoughts popping into their head and they don't where they're coming from.

So what happens is the thoughts that pop into our heads and we don't know where they come from, come from the habits of our hearts.

So those intuitions that pop into our hearts do so because of our hearts are shaped through virtues, vices, cruelty.

You don't have to let God take control.

You're never going to hear (in a good translation of theBible) about God taking control. What you'll hear about is obedience.

So the Lord gives us control of all talents in our lives, which means we must take control of what God has given us.

Why you don't have to keep getting transformed all the time

We know people who have life-changing experiences every month.

The more life-changing experiences you have the less each one means and the less it changes your life.

Falling in love really isn't something that changes your life unless it really leads to something that change syour life like marriage.

It's that long-term change that changes everything.

Why you don't always have to experience joy

Job just felt awful. His friends said either you feel awful because you're a bad person or you should feel joyful because you're good and God's on your side.

This notion that you're always supposed to feel joy makes Christians feel guilty for carrying a cross, which gets it all backwards.

Application is boring

What I want to hear when I come to church is not about me...I want to hear about Jesus Christ.

Preachers have the responsibility to preach about Jesus Christ.

I think most preachers would like to preach about Jesus Christ, but they feel like they have to preach about people.

So what makes Christian faith personal is that it's about a person and thankfully that person is not me.

Author: Abby Johnson, UnPlanned

On effective outreach to the women while out at the clinics:

Just being to provide support...that's huge. We have a lot of turnarounds and a lot of successes in the sidewalk counseling that I'm a part of just because we're there.

On reaching out to clinic workers:

It think it's just trying to build a relationship with them. Not trying to be controversial or challenging.

Anytime they may want to leave and find another job that you have a plan and you're ready.

A lot of people who work in the abortion industry feel trapped in their work.

Struggles abortion victims will go through:

If we're able to say "take all of your mistakes and all of your failures and lay them at the feet of Christ". If you can say "use them to glorify your kingdom in some way", He'll be able to do that.

On her church while at PlannedParenthood:

I am critical of that church because there is no outreach for ministry.