Author interview: John Townsend, Beyond Boundaries

Dr. John Townsend, Clinical Director for the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), joined The Matt Friedeman Show live from the AACC World Conference in Nashville, TN. Below are the "CliffsNotes" of his interview about his new book Beyond Boundaries.

What is Beyond Boundaries?

A long time ago Henry Cloud and I wrote a book about the fact that sometimes you have to say no and guard your heart.

You have to do what God does, which is speak the truth in love.

The thing I'd notice, though, was that people would be able to say no, but there was a 'what now' going on. They had confusion about how to trust again in a relationship. That's what Beyond Boundaries is about.

What relationships are you talking about?

Every relationship that someone could have a difficulty in. We all encounter these "speed bumps" in relationships when someone is being hard to deal with. This book is about reconnecting, and learning to trust again.

The hardest part is to take the first risk. God is a risk-taker. He always takes the first step. He's a great model, because even when it hurts, he reaches out.

There's no way to have a better relationship unless one person is taking the risk. That's what the book is about.

What is a hurt that comes out a lot in your counseling?

There's the hurt of putting out a need and being pulled away from. If that happens in an important relationship, it is really devastating.

Then there's control. When someone says "If you love me you'll do this."

The third is judgment and condemnation. When someone is condemning or shaming someone, the other person is on eggshells all the time.

Those are the three main ones.

Is it okay to risk our health on unhealthy relationships?

Jesus said to be innocent as doves and wise as serpents.

We're supposed to be mature, but we'll always be around people with toxicity.

But you must always be guarding your heart.

Is there an element of evangelism?

There's lots of Christians that aren't healthy either. I'd say it's a both/and. There is an evangelistic element to it, but we have to help ourselves as well.

Jesus came to seek and save the lost. The best relationship we can have is to be as loving and as redemptive as we can. We are supposed to be the salt and light.

You can learn more about Dr. Townsend and his ministry here.