Brain Trust - David Murrow

David Murrow, speaker and bestselling author, joined the Brain Trust to discuss the problem of men leaving the church, as expressed in his book Why Men Hate Going To Church. Below are the "CliffsNotes" of his interview.

What is the disconnect with men and the church?

It's not that men don't like God or Christ, what they don't like is churchgoing. Getting up out of bed, singing the songs, hearing the sermon; it doesn't click with them.

Part of the reputation of the church among men is that it's a place for "women, weirdos, and wimps."

I think that comes out of the last hundred years, with the emphasis on Christians not smoking, drinking, playing cards; there's just been this extreme seriousness.

Does it depend largely on the pastor?

You're absolutely right. I say that 80% of the battle is the pastor.  

Women see their church as their fellow churchgoers. If they're in harmony with their fellow churchgoers, they're in harmony with their church.

But men tend to see the church through the lens of the pastor; if they don't like the pastor, they won't like the church.

Should churches focus on using men's gifts and talents?

That is so true. And I think one of the reasons that Southern Baptist churches are so prevalent in the South is that they have extensive relief networks.

It's a wonderful witness, and a great way to utilize men's talents.

When Jesus went out and started the Church, he created a core of 12 committed men.

Should we be following Jesus' example in teaching through activity?

That's definitely true. The Lord's discipleship method was not classroom teaching. I don't want to speak out against Bible studies, because those have been helpful in the lives of a lot of men.

But a highly verbal discipleship method tends to elevate the teacher. And while there's nothing wrong with that, it limits the men who decide they can't really help in the church since they can't speak and they didn't go to seminary.

Why do you say that prayer meetings aren't geared towards men?

There's a lot of things about the way we do group prayer today that makes it tough on men. Because the way we pray in groups is we make speeches to God.

It's generally easier for women, since women are more verbal than men. I have about ten or twelve pages in the book about how we can make prayer more real and inviting to men.

Do we have a misconception of Jesus that contributes to this problem?

We do. We tend to focus on the Lamb of God rather than the Lion of Judah.

We look at the incident of overturning the tables in the temple as an anomaly. We view the rest of his life as meek and gentle, always surrounded by children.

There are pictures of Jesus as a fighter in Scripture, and we need to focus on them.

You talk about fears that men have about church. Talk to us about "losing control."

In a lot of churches, there's a tendency to say, "Let's just give the Holy Spirit as much time as he needs."

There's no expectation for how long the sermon will go. The guy has no expectation, no idea of how long this will take. Men want to be in control.

Do men worry about having their wives fall too far in love with the church?

A lot of women do fall very hard for Jesus. I married a preacher's daughter, and she thought it was normal to spend six nights a week at the church.

She was in love with Jesus and in love with the church, to the point where she neglected the family.